Eighteen Inches by Mirtha Michelle Castro Marmol

Author:Mirtha Michelle Castro Marmol
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Published: 2020-09-02T19:52:00+00:00

9"

Some people experience physical war,

but all I know

is the war within.

Selfishness

When I consider the power of decisions, I can’t help but think of the lessons learned from each one—what they are, what the consequences have been, and what I eventually learned from them. My twenties were a roller coaster of emotions ruled by the heart and ideas ruled by the mind. At twenty-five, I found myself in love, with hopes of building a future with one particular man. We were inseparable—true best friends. We had a genuine connection, but his heart was troubled. Childhood traumas left marks that I lacked the power to erase. Nonetheless, I embarked on a love story with him. A year and half into our relationship, I dreamed I was pregnant and when I had the baby, my boyfriend wasn’t as present as I expected. The dream fast-forwarded to the baby as a toddler. The child had a mix of my eyes and his face shape, one that was prominent in his family. It was as if I saw an alternate destiny with him, one filled with uncertainty. I awoke and looked at him still asleep, wondering if the unhappiness I foresaw in my dream would ever become a reality.

I’ve heard some women say they knew exactly the moment they became pregnant. Caribbean Latin culture is vivid and full of superstition. Single women never let anyone sweep close to their feet because that could bring them bad luck finding a husband. I prided myself on not believing in folklore and superstition, but in my blood runs a lineage of women with wonderful spiritual gifts and abilities. Foreshadowing dreams were among those gifts. Months after the pregnancy dream, a chaotic period in every part of my life began. I developed a contagious skin condition that shook me to my core. I feared that after my skin healed, I would be scarred forever. My boyfriend was extremely supportive and was not afraid to touch me. He helped me believe my skin would heal and I’d be back to my normal self in no time. Then, to make things worse, my finances hit a low point, and I had to move out of the home I loved into an apartment I wasn’t fond of. I found myself reevaluating my life. I had chosen an unstable, artistic career that depended a lot on my physical attributes, and I became full of fear and regrets. To add to the pressure, my period was late. I was on the pill, and I had always been pretty regular. Since I was under so much emotional and physical stress, I assumed my body was reacting to my circumstances. But my dream from months before popped into my mind, and I became nervous. It couldn’t be. I drove to the nearest drugstore to buy a pregnancy test, and at home, just like in a bad movie, the positive line appeared. In that moment the fear that already possessed me multiplied, and I had to face my reality.

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